Chapter ## : The tense is higher...

Towards the end of the year....

Hold up!~ Hold Up!~..

*Click Play if it doesn't play automatically.. It will add up nice effect on this one!~*
*If there is an overlapping song playing, go to Life, Hopes and Expectations and maybe u can find it urself.. hee...* - 

Huhu.. Yep.. It is true.. Physically, Mentally, and the most sensitive part somehow - financially and 'job-ly'..

Physically

I don't know how to classify this. Most probably comes from the other 3 risk factors, but I eat a lot - i know that I always eat a lot - but this time, a lot lot!~ more than usual.. huh!~ so basically, with BMR (basal metabolic rate) lower than those who are skinny, or not getting any additional fat or meat around the body, my body weight is actually fluctuating!~ (wahaaa!!~~ fluctuate ye dak? haha).. *sigh*
Plus, I already think that my pores have not been open up for few months already - which mean my sweat with all the potential pathogens are still inside of me. And I think, this is the reason I've been easily fatigue and extremely lazy.. (Even though this is actually my usual personal characteristic, but its more than before - again).
I am planning to do exercise everyday, but somehow I only manage to exercise vigorously - IN MY IMAGINATION!!~~ Duhhhh!!!!~~~~~ i mean like, what??? Abes tu.. nak buat cemana!~~ on TV (konon to exercise with my personal coach la..) ada pulak cerita Tentang Dhia.. hahaha... that story is somehow catches my attention.. heee...
So I am praying to The Creator - please give me the strength to exercise - not in my imagination.. huuu!!~~~

Mentally

My mental state now is not in equilibrium state. haha.. not saying that I have to be referred to psychiatrist, but councellor will do.. hahaha!~ kidding again.. There's so many things in my mind at one time, that I have to stop my brain from thinking few things at the same time. Am I a genius or what? If I am a genius, I should've been one of the richest person in the world by now.. Using a big screen pc instead of this almost 5 years lappy of mine with 1 green line at the screen.. And also most probably I am sitting comfortably in a very luxurious and comfortable bean bag that made u sink in the middle of the bag when U sit on it, and of course, having the fastest internet connection (wireless ok!`) that u can ever imagine and watching all my favourite TV series anytime that I like - ala2 tengok tv gitu.. OK stop there!~ U see.. there's a lot in my mind that I can deviate myself from telling exactly what I would like to type here!~
mmmm... Seriously, I forgot!~ dammiit!~

Others

I am so sleepy that I can't elaborate more on the other sub-topics that build up the tense in me.. Huhu.. but I think, whatever I am feeling right now is all because of the stress that I am having inside!~ of course myself would not going to admit anything that I am tired or whatever, (cuz I am built strong like ATOM in Real Steel) but as long as I can keep on moving, I will. Just like Atom.. It fight and fight and fight, till the bell rings. It did not give up. It fell, and rise.. It blacked out, but woke up.. It is ATOM!~

and U - thanks for being Charlie Kenton for me.. hee...

"WATCH ME!!~~ OK?! WATCH ME!!"

*I do not own the pic and the music!~*

Chapter ## : Is It true....

Or its just people try to talk nice about me??

I've met 2 ladies at shop - 40's - 50's,
they said that somebody is very lucky to have me..

maybe I'm just so good in messing with people life..
but not so to manage my my own..

so, my conclusion is - it's just ppl doing some nice talk to me so that I can purchase something from them.

Nice try ladies..

I feel pathetic!~ (-_-)"

Chapter ## : errrkkkk!!~~~~ back again????

Hmmm... Let's see........
Last time I typed something was on 2nd November... Mmmmm.... LAST YEAR!!~~

(@.@)

And it's been re-typed today, 1 year and 13 days later!~ hoho!~

Well... It's impossible to wrap up everything that had happened for the past 1 year right..

But, nothing that I miss because basically I am not a famous blog writer like other people... and I don't have any loyal followers like other people do also.. so, there;s nothing much to regret for that..

Most of the thing happened in the past 1 year was not so much of any events.. Life goes on as usual.. (boring).. and of course there was once a twice a lady - eh - that's a song la!~ once a twice good, nope AWESOME things happened, but somehow it is all kept in the heart..

Nothing changes me yet, I'm still the same choleric (this is what the Temperament Quiz in Facebook labelled me as!~ ) person as always.. sometimes somebody have to go through the choleric stage of mine.. mmm... how do say this.. sometimes being choleric (not having any cholera disease, ok!~) is spontaneous.. it's just hit u like TAP!!~~ (snapping finger action) and once the stage end, u'll think back - o damn!~ Did I just had a tantrum thrown at THAT particular somebody??? oh!~ so, calming down is not- I repeat is NOT the best part of me~~ never do.. THAT'S FACT!!~~ and i wonder why is that ho? kepala batu mungkin??? yea2... probably (-_-)"...

and dear somebody - I am truly sorry!~ huuu...

*this statement is only true to that somebody... not EVERYBODY!~ and EVERYBODY means those who I throw my temper ON PURPOSE - most probably because - ursodamnannoyingthatmadeulooklikeanuglypieceofdwarf!~*

And for some reason, after doing this 1 year post-mortem, i've had a dull life here in this place!~ and as usual, every piece of holiday that I get, I've been trying my best to get out of this town!!~~ but- however!~ the best that I can do is getting out IN MY DREAM!~ How pathetic is that!~

*and I wish this going to end up soon!~*

Well actually, tonight will be my last night shift. The other 2 nights was ok, but I've been attracting those with ventilator!~ 1 night, 1 ventilator!~ huhu!~ so, whose going to survive longer here?

First, someone with Heart attack in shock state (NSTEMI with Cardiogenic Shock) - simply put she had a massive heart attack that the heart and body started to fail bit by bit and not balance anymore - so of course, to save the heart, save everything (u know, like heroes - save the cheerleader, save the world.. the heart is the cheerleader and the world is the whole body!~) but of course, 75 years old, with not good prognosis, u won't get any ICU bed.. call it discrimination, but if somehow there is people who read this, and want to know more - just ask!~

*IKLAN JAP

It was 4 am in the morning, and I was doing routine vital signs monitoring to all my patients.. at 2nd cubicle, I stopped by the window and saw an ambulance from periphery hospital.. I waited there to see whether the patient that will be brought out from the ambulance is a lady, a guy, or a just another kid!~
My heart strongly suggested that this one would probably be lady.. And there I was, standing near the window.. waited patiently..
Aik.. mcm lambat la pulak kluar patient ni!~ And the other suggestion my heart strongly gave was, there must be something big with this patient.. Intubated maybe!!~~ Jeng jeng jeng!!~
Yep.. true enough.. the patient was on ventilator.. From the 2nd floor of the building I can see some tube protruding from the mouth!~ Confirmla kan!!~~
And last but not least, I believe that the patient is going to be in my ward.. So I tell my other colleague... And Yes, at 3.40 am [5 mins different from the first case admission]- there's a sound of the door opened, and of course - the most annoying sound ever - the roda of the stretcher!~ (-_-)"

*Kembali ke Cerita Asal*

The other one is having bleeding in the brain. She told her son she had some sort of headache (I believe she always had headache and that's why they might've thought this is the usual headache).. but last night, it turns out she passed out - when I say passed out, it means, she was ASYSTOLE from home to hospital!~ and the CPR-ed her for 15 minutes then thought she had some sort of heart problem.. So seen by my M.O, and he said need to send for urgent CT brain!~ (haiyooo.... pahal la itu hospital takmo anta ct brain dulu!!~~)

Cut short- the patient was actually bleeding in the head.. He suggested that the patient might already had a brain dead - which I agree if we based on the history.. huuu.. gasping2 already some more.. but we can't be sure because we can't really assess the condition as patient was under sedation.. Ok2.. so rest in the ward comfortably then... huuu...

And what awaits tonight?

Itsok, cuz tomorrow (if jadi la) is YES moment!!~~

Shop til u Drop Broken ok!!~~

No pIc AvailabLe!~

Chapter ##: speechless..

I dont know...
What i know is i am really tired of sticking my life back to one piece..
now its my dream and my life holding me together..
Its super duper fragile..
i dont know how its going to end..
I dont know if we can hold it ny longer...
I waited, but i cannot expect others to wait...
I really dont know...
i long for a person... only one person...
And i love u..

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Chapter ##: final night in pangkor...

At last, the most anticipated day will come tomorrow... huhu.... tomorrow wil be my day of departure from this island... huhu... right now, is the closing ceremony dinner And they are handing the certificate and my turn was just seconds after i started posting this entry..

We had a table full of food... the smallest satay i've ever seen, unknown fish bakar, fried prawn, fried crab, Mmm... whatelse, oh, bbq chicken wing, sausages, pudding, fried rice, kuay tiaw and okay, i think i've forgotten alredy cuz i'm too full and bloated!!!

And after this will be some presentation here... my group will b presenting some dances and 2 songs... well, i officially withdraw myself from doing the dance routine which i dont think i can do it... over my dead body! huhu... nsbla... there is no obligation for me to dance in front everybody...

Anyway, tomorrow, before going back, i'm going to have exam for induksi khusus.. i really hope that i can pass this one... i made my decision not to bring any notes kot.. but GOd knows what wil happn tomorrow...

Till then... until next Time.... huuu...

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Chapter ## : A fortnight in pangkor...

Right now, i'M still in pangkor for the 12th day..and yes, living in a hotel for a course PLUS overflow food six time a day have successfully increase my weight back to normal... Thank you
induksi...dang... hoho..
Right now, i'm in the class, supposedly to listen to a
talk, but somehow this talk doesnt realy catch my attention..

O yes, i am actually writing this entry through my android... huhu... i downloaded ot this morning also from a boring
talk... n now, i can put an entry anytime as long as i have inTernet connection... oh how i love my xperia... heee.... thanks darl for this droid...

i have another 2 days here... hoooo.... i misses my aveo badly apart missing my darling.. huhu... And the house.. may God takes care of our properties while we were gone...

Anyway, wht else do i miss? O yeah, i miss 2 episodes of merlin, supernatural, nikita, naruto.... wawawa.... and i dont know if i'm back later, mh broadband still in use or maybe suspended... i decided not to bring my lappy cuz my luggage is already feels like bringing tonnes of Bricks instead of my clothes... i brought like 90% of my wardrobe... huuu...

Maybe i have to extend my part with my properties a little longer... mybe, if i sempat, i will straight go to bus station and go down to kl by bus... thats if my transport from lumut to taiping is ok and reache taiping before dawn... then i'll head down to kl...

O dear, i'm so tired now... i miss my darl so much oso... huhu...

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Chapter ## : Life, Hopes, Expectations...

It's almost the end of Ramadhan already... Eid preparation getting hotter and hotter everyday.. Well for me, no preparation.. Just thinking of my work everyday..

I have requested to have no off day from my sister so that I could have a longer holiday for Eid. But yeah, not that long.. I have plans already this holiday, but I dont know if this plan will come to reality.

It's in my head of what I would like to write here, but now I dont know why it just doesn't come out as what I thought before. I'm not really living a happy life this past few days. Loneliness makes it worse. Dammit. I tried to convince myself that this is my hormone's doing, but hormone or not, it really affect me in so many ways.

I understand that what we can do is plan, but the one's who make it happen or I called is as 'the adjustment bureau' is the Great Almighty.. I accepted it but still, sadness struck me like nobody's business. huuuu.... So for what had happen, I can't expect anything on my hopes anymore, because, Luck is not always with me.

For this raya, I've requested my night duty on 2nd day raya instead of the original roster. But now, I don't know whether it's worth it or not, but what's done is done. I couldn't readjust my roster again. Sister would kill me. So, I'll be working today (6th) until 13th without off day.. And I will only be able to go back home on the 15th and arrived night time. I don't know me coming back home this time would have some good thing happens or not, but I'll always pray for good one. If it doesn't, than I'll have to live with it anyway. I don't have any choice right..

Yesterday was my off day. I went out around 11 am and came back home at 6pm.. I went to brought my aveo for wash, polish, wax, and lacquer - and it's all for 200 bucks!~ whatever.. I'm numb when my feelings are not well.. Then I went to watch 2 movies back to back.. I was planning for 4 movies back to back, but I have to go and buy my train tickets (reluctantly) that costs me 106 bucks to and fro.. next I went to bank in 100 bucks for my sister who asked for her allowance, and 70 bucks for the fuel and what else? Oh, I planned to go to saloon for hair wash and some head massage, and maybe do a bit curl on my hair, but guess what, all the saloon were fullhouse.. dammit.. that took me 1 hour to go here and there seeking for a saloon. Sudahnya, I went to bazaar ramadhan and bought laksam (which is so sweet!!~~~ haiya..) wing panggang, nasi campur and my beloved watermelon juice. I've spent around 500 bucks for just one day.. Like I said, I'm numb...

So I came back home, refreshing my facebook almost every minute.. bukak posa, and seriously, I felt so depressed plus with the loneliness. damn!~

And so, when he told me he had to transferred patient to somewhere else around 9 something, I turned off my laptop, turned off the light, and tried to sleep.. But it's only after 12 I could fell asleep.. :(

Today, I'm working pm shift and he would be working night shift.. another episode of less-near-to-zero communication.. How pathetic my life is....

It's easy to entertain people, but I can't entertain myself for even a minute. hmmmm.......