Chapter ## : Life, Hopes, Expectations...

It's almost the end of Ramadhan already... Eid preparation getting hotter and hotter everyday.. Well for me, no preparation.. Just thinking of my work everyday..

I have requested to have no off day from my sister so that I could have a longer holiday for Eid. But yeah, not that long.. I have plans already this holiday, but I dont know if this plan will come to reality.

It's in my head of what I would like to write here, but now I dont know why it just doesn't come out as what I thought before. I'm not really living a happy life this past few days. Loneliness makes it worse. Dammit. I tried to convince myself that this is my hormone's doing, but hormone or not, it really affect me in so many ways.

I understand that what we can do is plan, but the one's who make it happen or I called is as 'the adjustment bureau' is the Great Almighty.. I accepted it but still, sadness struck me like nobody's business. huuuu.... So for what had happen, I can't expect anything on my hopes anymore, because, Luck is not always with me.

For this raya, I've requested my night duty on 2nd day raya instead of the original roster. But now, I don't know whether it's worth it or not, but what's done is done. I couldn't readjust my roster again. Sister would kill me. So, I'll be working today (6th) until 13th without off day.. And I will only be able to go back home on the 15th and arrived night time. I don't know me coming back home this time would have some good thing happens or not, but I'll always pray for good one. If it doesn't, than I'll have to live with it anyway. I don't have any choice right..

Yesterday was my off day. I went out around 11 am and came back home at 6pm.. I went to brought my aveo for wash, polish, wax, and lacquer - and it's all for 200 bucks!~ whatever.. I'm numb when my feelings are not well.. Then I went to watch 2 movies back to back.. I was planning for 4 movies back to back, but I have to go and buy my train tickets (reluctantly) that costs me 106 bucks to and fro.. next I went to bank in 100 bucks for my sister who asked for her allowance, and 70 bucks for the fuel and what else? Oh, I planned to go to saloon for hair wash and some head massage, and maybe do a bit curl on my hair, but guess what, all the saloon were fullhouse.. dammit.. that took me 1 hour to go here and there seeking for a saloon. Sudahnya, I went to bazaar ramadhan and bought laksam (which is so sweet!!~~~ haiya..) wing panggang, nasi campur and my beloved watermelon juice. I've spent around 500 bucks for just one day.. Like I said, I'm numb...

So I came back home, refreshing my facebook almost every minute.. bukak posa, and seriously, I felt so depressed plus with the loneliness. damn!~

And so, when he told me he had to transferred patient to somewhere else around 9 something, I turned off my laptop, turned off the light, and tried to sleep.. But it's only after 12 I could fell asleep.. :(

Today, I'm working pm shift and he would be working night shift.. another episode of less-near-to-zero communication.. How pathetic my life is....

It's easy to entertain people, but I can't entertain myself for even a minute. hmmmm.......