Chapter ## : Life ooo Life...

Right now, I'm lying on my bed, thinking of mostly everything about my life.. From I was a little girl until now.. The only thing that I can recall the most is about me breaking the rules just to get a taste of something that I never think of the consequences. Until I get a taste of my own 'tebiat', then as I grow older, I'll think mostly 2 or 3 steps ahead. I will always think of the consequences of my actions. I don't know, maybe God give me some good sense of feelings towards something. Sometimes, I am certainly, absolutely, and 100% sure with my thoughts, but sometimes, it's a blurry vision, which means, I have to try it to know for sure. Not saying that I have any special abilities or abilities to do premonitions or whatsoever, it's just feelings. People will say I'm very defensive, people will also say I'm very stubborn, or anything pertaining to it, but I could say no more. It's a feeling inside of me that keeps me moving everyday.

No songs for this posts because I have no songs in my head right now. So, if you feel a bit of silence, you can start your own media player or you can sing by yourself!~ ;p

I've mentioned in previous posts on how I love my job so much when it is full of adrenaline. But sadly, you wont be able to taste it everyday. Not everyday you'll have very ill and most likely to face death patient, right. So what will I do to keep myself moving everyday. I would be lying I tell you that I am always highly motivated when it comes to work. I admit, at times I feel very lazy to go out to work. It's not a patient-factor thingie, it something to do with the workload (again) and how you, as a nurse been poorly treated in our country. But because I've been into this field, and I chose to be one (which I thought I am destined to) and because I am trained that whatever I do, my 'niat' is because of Allah, and I am working for the patient's sake and thus, I am looking for something in return which is priceless to human being and only God is able to give me my prize...

So, sometimes, I withdrew blood from certain patients which has easy access. The other day, I took ABG or the arterial blood gases.. heee... I'm not so sure whether as a nurse in Malaysia, one is allowed to do so, but do I look like I care, right?? hee.. I've always wanted to try one. I've assisted few ABG by looking for the strongest pulse, and usually it work.. So this time, let me do one!~ Alhamdulillah, it worked!~ If ever I have the chance to do it again, then I'll definitely would try it again!~

I am still trying my very hard to manage the ward. It is so complicated sometimes with all the tickets, films, results, and everything which involve paper!~ seriously, I am not good with handling papers. Everything needs papers and management is like hell in this ward. Tendency of missing papers, films and forgetting to update this and that, especially patients appointments especially special imaging appointment is high!~ In ward management is one part of it, and upon discharge, they still have plans for those patients!~ and yes, you need to manage it as well. This is where the trickiest part comes.

If the plan is TCA n/c - then you need the opd letter to give to the patient and ask them to bring to the nearest clinic for the next follow up.

If the plan is TCA d/c - you need to set up date for this patient to come for DAYCARE follow up in our ward every Tuesday, depends on the date of appointment with certain things to review

If the plan is TCA MOPD / SOPD - then, you need to find out patient's problem, and find out the date for patients to go to clinic to see dr. I hate to do this because you need to despatch the opd card to the clinic, or whatever it is. This 2 places always gives troubles to us. What's the trouble??? Unspeakeable!~ HOh!~

Apart from the tca, drs will always wrote to review whatever they wanted to review, sometimes imaging, reporting, blood investigation, etc.. these documents are the ones that easily gone missing!~ I still cannot think on how I can help this ward to improve and become organized. As I said, I am not good with papers!~ These papers gives me real headache!~ If it is all computerized, I can easily sort it out, put it in designated folders and with that, I can easily find it back!~ Papers are only good for me in doing notes!~ That's all. How I wish to work in places that is not as complicated as this! Is this how a 'Hospital dengan Pakar' look like??? Nahh.. I dont think so right!~

Tomorrow will be my night shift, again. I've requested earlier cycle of night shift, because I've bought ticket to go back home after my night shift. And being granted. Thank you sister.

Life will not get easier everyday. It is full of ups and downs, and the only thing you can do is be strong!~

I am strong!~ Yeah!~